Aikido and parenting
by Rachel Massey
A long while back, Fran Sensei asked me to write about my experiences as a mother and how it affects my practice in and about the dojo. It has taken me considerable time to sit down and write this due to both not knowing how to write it (or what to say really) and finding the time (due in part to being a parent). Needless to say, parenthood has affected training in some ways.
When I first learned I was pregnant, I quit training all together. At this time I had already been practicing around seven years, so it was with a mixture of reluctance and relief that I quit. Reluctance because aikido was such a great part of my life, but relief because I had been looking for an excuse to leave where I had been practicing. My practice had been on a slump for over three years and I just didn't feel as though I was progressing. It was frustrating for me to see new people move up the ranks both in grading and in skill level, while I just couldn't "get it". The pregnancy gave me a graceful out. I also had a lot more important things to be worrying about as a perspective parent than my standing (or lack thereof) in the dojo.
Once Owen was born, I started having pangs of nostalgia and wishing desperately to get back into training. I had become fat and out of shape during my pregnancy and wasn't really motivated to do much of anything physical so my first couple of weeks back were concentrated on just being able to breathe. I also only could afford to have a baby-sitter once a week, with my parents taking Owen another night each week. This made progress back very slow and frustrating. My ego also was very bruised (the old ego rising again) because during my absence there had been a test (my old dojo only tested once every couple of years) and many of my juniors were now my seniors and I had to cope with that as well. Frustration eventually mounted to a point where I didn't want to come to class, and again quit training.
Aikido is in every pore of my being though and eventually I found my way back. I heard of a new dojo in town being run by a Japanese man who had recently moved to town. I went to watch a class and was completely enthralled with the level of training and enthusiasm. This was really aikido!!!! I KNEW from the minute I walked into the dojo that this was the place for me. It was what I had been missing for years! I signed up on the spot and have been with Okuyama Sensei and Great Lakes Aikikai ever since. When I first started training at GLA I had a lot of adjustment problems due to the stylistic differences. Then I had problems practicing enough due to having childcare problems. Fortunately my financial circumstances began to change and I was able to hire a sitter to come in two times a week and then my parents took Owen another two nights each week. While I was now practicing four nights a week, it wasn't enough! I was completely hooked! We moved to a new building after about a year of my joining, one which had much more space. Okuyama Sensei knew of my dilemma and very graciously offered to install a VCR in the back room and suggested I bring Owen in to the dojo and not bankrupt myself with baby-sitting bills. Now Owen comes into the dojo four times a week with my parents taking him twice a week. He is a regular member of the dojo and the first official dojo brat. He is growing up in the dojo and is expected to behave with as much decorum in the dojo as anyone (with the exception of getting to play wildly on the mat between classes). He bows with respect whenever he enters the dojo and before coming on and off the mat. He is respectful of Sensei (although he can get away with most anything—and often does) and has learned much of the etiquette. He now has around forty parents (everyone feels free to step in with Owen) instead of just one and is part of a community of which I am particularly proud.
While not every dojo has the space and ability to open its arms up to a child like Great Lakes Aikikai has done, children are very much a part of the community and having a child does not mean that practice stops. It changes, that is certain; but so does life. And after all, isn't aikido a reflection of life?
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