Light a candle
by Fran Turner
A few times I have lost it and yelled at students who did not bow when coming into the dojo or stepping onto the mat. But usually I either quietly point it out or hope an observant student will. Although aikido rules of etiquette are simple and straightforward, a student just may not know. There are lots of copies of the "rules of etiquette" in the dojo, but a new student may not have received one. If you notice someone is not bowing when s/he is supposed to, please feel free to courteously mention to that person the appropriate behavior and give them a copy of the sheet after class.
All students need to reacquaint themselves periodically with the rules of etiquette, which can easily slip into the background in the face of seemingly more important things.
"Etiquette" comes from the French word meaning "ticket" and is defined as "conventional rules of behaviour in polite society." "Polite society" is an expression that causes one to snicker nowadays, when we are so casual with one another and with authority figures. Moreover, there are few places and occasions when we are called upon to act with reverence or respect.
In aikido, respect and safety are the foundation for the rules of etiquette. Every time we bow when entering or leaving the dojo, we are creating a respectful atmosphere, whether or not anyone sees us do it. When we bow to our partner before starting to practice with that person, it is also a way of assuring that both are ready to practice and one won't injure the other by striking before s/he is ready. Similarly when the teacher claps to signal the end of a technique, partners close their practice with a bow to make sure one of them doesn't keep striking when they are supposed to be finished.
Bowing is also a way to exercise humility. Philip Kapleau Roshi, my Zen teacher's teacher, said that when we bow, we bend the mast of our ego.
Etiquette can be a means of cultivating courtesy. This word, "courtesy," is beautifully described in my Oxford dictionary as "graceful politeness or consideration towards others." Daily, we encounter examples of discourtesy: subway riders blocking doors, someone barging into a line while others wait their turn, drivers who try to make it through an intersection after the light has turned red. Certainly, the "mast of ego" rears its head in these situations.
Because it requires some degree of self-awareness to follow rules of etiquette, doing so can open up a crack in the mind where consideration towards others can shine in. I am reminded of a program I sometimes watched as a kid on Saturday nights. It was hosted by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, who presented a story and then gave a commentary about it. I don't remember one single story or any of his commentary, but the closing words of the program were unforgettable. "It is better to light one little candle than to curse the darkness." With an act of courtesy, we light such a candle.
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