Being at the centre
by Hugh Stephens
A TV reporter asked me recently if I treated women any differently than I
treated men when training in aikido. My answer was "no." I qualified it by saying
that while I do make allowances for differences in skill level that may exist
between me and my partner (of either gender), I felt that to train with less
vigor and intensity with someone just because that person happened to be a woman
would be unfair to her. I went on to tell of my experiences of being thrown all
over the mat on more than one occasion by women who were half my size.
I do not subscribe to the societal stereotype that polarizes women and men by labeling the former as weak, meek victims and the latter as aggressive, violent predators. I further believe that being either a victim or a predator is purely a matter of choice—and a stupid one at that.
I gained some more insights into the issues of men and women, victims and violence in the context of aikido through discussions with fellow aikidoists who happen to be women. I discovered that both men and women experience the same feelings of discomfort and fear when facing what is, to them, an extremely intense attack or defense. This has been described as a sense of being "out of control."
Some of the common responses to this feeling are:
- cowering (becoming limp and praying that you will not be thrown too hard);
- tightening up and trying to escape from the encounter;
- tightening up and attempting to overpower the attacker.
On the mat, we discover that these responses open us to injury. In society around us, we see the results of these behaviors: victims are victimized even more. Violence escalates, as the aggressor uses ever more force to overcome the opposition.
Even though this pattern may be self-destructive, many people are stuck in responding to threatening situations in these habitual ways. Throughout their lives, they involve themselves with people or in situations where the ineffective coping strategy is re-enacted over and over again.
On the mat, when uke tightly grasps nage's wrist the wrestling match begins. As the striking attack intensifies, the fear heightens. Fear and terror become the operant feelings during the encounter.
When the confrontation ends, uke and nage leave the encounter feeling unsatisfied. Some are left with the sense of having bumped into an unfeeling "stone wall." Others feel diminished inside because they have been overwhelmed or have backed down, surrendered yet again.
I submit that if we continue to interact in that fashion, then no matter how many "techniques" we master, how many years we spend training, all our hours of practice will mean little. Our training will be as significant as the candy bar we had last summer—tasty at the time but of no use or benefit to our lives in the long run.
Aikido presents us with a challenge and an opportunity.
The challenge is to identify and acknowledge within ourselves these ineffective, self-destructive patterns of reacting to events and people around us. Once we have done that, a further challenge is to release these patterns—cast them aside.
The opportunity is to take control of our lives and change ourselves at the very core of our being; to learn that when we enter completely, engage fully, blend and become one with the energy we encounter, we are no longer out of control. Regardless of the intensity, violence or weakness of the attack or defense, we remain one with the other person and with ourselves. This unity with ourselves and with the other person enables us to enter into the centre of the interaction. Once there, we can achieve our desired outcome: to maintain the harmony that we have created with the other person.
This is, I believe, what is meant by the phrase, "being at the centre of the universe."
Aikido provides a framework for transformation. The words, the commands we hear on the mat help restructure our mental concepts and thinking patterns: "Pay attention," "Enter," "Stay connected," "Be flexible," "Extend," "Breathe," "Be ready to die," "Feel the other person," "Be aware of your tension," "Keep your centre," "Join with your partner's centre," "Focus," "Flow," "Empty your mind," "Practice, practice, practice," "Shugyo," "Purify yourself."
These words command us to act, to move physically. Through repeated physical action, we come to experience glimpses of effortless union when uke and nage become one. The more we experience this fusion, the easier it becomes for us to initiate and re-create harmony. Now we are in charge of ourselves and all that we encounter. No longer are we weak meek women or aggressive violent men. Time suspends itself, energy blends and balances. We are at the centre of the universe. We are in control. We are.
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